I am indeed living the dream:
Just a few hundred years ago even the richest king couldn’t imagine having the luxuries that your average person in a 1st world country enjoys.
Nice cars, a good house, the feel good factor from new clothes:
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying nice things…
So long as you don’t take them for granted.
The issue is spending money on objects, just to play the status game.
The issue is building your identify around things instead of actions.
The issue is tying your self-worth to what others think about your things.
If the cause is not knowing when you have enough,
And the problem is feeling unfullfilled because you want things you can’t have,
The solution is learning to want the things you already have.
People think they will be happy “when”…
But if I can be happy with things I already have,
instead of wanting things I don’t,
then I can be happy with now, instead of thinking I’ll be happy in some theoretical future.
The problem with the future is that it’s always in the future.
It’s impossible to experience.
So we delay our happiness into an imagined time which never comes.
So I’m taking note of things I appreciate and enjoy in my life.
And it does genuinely make you happier if applied over time.
Some are expensive, others free.
Some are bought, others earned.
Some are obtained, others experienced.
Some are simple, some obscure.
I’ll return and update this periodically…
In a world of convenience, and virtual living,
money and success are the only goals deemed to be important.
We are kept in an endless ratrace for more money,
and we sacrifice ever more time in the pursuit of success.
But there’s a sense of control that can be found
in possessing the ability to fix your own problems
Pick up the practical skills we’ve lost,
that let you survive in the world were the cost of living is crushing us.
Self sufficiency is a free source of wealth and power
Everyday we are teased on social with FOMO for the lives we could have led.
Our culture would have us believe we can have it all.
We are permanently dissatisfied with where we are and what we have.
This paradox of choice didn’t exist just a generation ago.
You picked a career for life,
rewarded if your worked hard.
People had fewer options.
Options are good.
But only when you can take action.
Too many options leads to
paralysis and dissatisfaction.
Which = anxiety.
The answer is to learn to be happy with the life you already have.
yes, you could pivot into a new life.
But it doesn’t mean you should.
If the grass always looks greener on the other side…
tend your own grass before you jump the fence.
After months of endless rain in winter, I prayed the rain would stop for even just one frikking second, so I could go out walks with Ramsey.
Yet after 2 weeks of drought in Summer,
There’s a sudden downpour of rain,
and I’m suddenly excited to go out a walk in the rain,
to listen to the pattering, feel the cold drops on my cheeks, to breathe in that petrichor scent.
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”
The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”
The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”
Keep an open mind on “good” or “bad”, try to think simply in terms of what is.
In winter, rain is bad.
In Summer a bit of rain is good.
Often what comes just before or after a thing can shift your perspective on it.
Whether something is “good” or “bad” is often just a matter of perspective.
They say “comparison is the thief of joy”.
The truth of this came knocking on my door last year:
It had been a tough few years, I’d worked my ass off for decades,
but business was going really well, making steady income and working with clients I enjoyed
But all it took was one short scroll on Instagram to kill my sense of carefully curated wellbeing.
Suddenly I saw all these younger designers who launched their business last month, and now they are earning more,
AND they are guest speaking at Adobe Max,
and they still had enough free time to pose on that jetski in Dubai.
Uuurgh I’m a complete failure
That’s how comparison steals joy:
One moment ago you were content, The next moment you WANT things:
…or maybe you’d settle for just a hint of stability and a decent night’s sleep.
But this is because we approach comparison with a negative mindset:
We compare where we want to be with where we are.
The distance between those two states leads to unfulfilled desire,
which is uncomfortable.
But what if we flipped that mechanism?
What if comparison could be a source of joy?
What if we recall our previous desires, which we have now fulfilled,
What if we compare what we wanted with what we now have?
That is the source of my happiness, and I try to remind myself when I’m being grumpy, or buried in admin, or coughing my guts out at 4am with a cold.
Happiness also requires a struggle,
it requires the shit bits that we don’t put on Instagram.
Happiness is so elusive because it’s a temporary state.
Once we have achieved something, we move onto the next goal.
So happiness can only ever be realised from moment to moment, not as a permanent state, but in retrospect, as something we feel NOW.
The state of happiness is just a story we tell ourselves, about a condition we were in that we wished to change (discomfort),
The challenges we overcame, (growth)
and the resolution that we have now realised (happiness).
Without the tension between desire state and current state there would be no happiness or unhappiness.
So whilst comparison is often the thief of joy,
Comparison can be the source of joy, if you approach it in the right direction:
With appreciation of what you have, Instead of desire for what you don’t.
I’m probably going to have to cut back on Life by Design and personal projects to free up time to take care of Immy and baby, and also save my time for money-making ventures.
Everyone tells you “it will be hard”.
I know people who couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery, that somehow manage to raise kids.
I want to think somehow I’ll be different. I’ll be more organised, more resliient, more capable.
But I know thats my ego talking.
Even “power couples” are at pains to tell you how hard it is.
Recently one of them said…
“Your whole life stops overnight, and everything changes, then you live in 2 hour blocks between feedings.”
This is the part I’ll struggle with the most.
I know it’s hard for everyone.
But I do think it’s particularly hard for freelancers and solopreneurs.
It’s just not the same as leaving a job.
Your work isn’t just something you do, it’s usually baked into your identity.
You’re not just giving up a day job, you’re changing who you are.
Firstly there’s no maternity/paternity cover.
Secondly, in a 9-5 someone will step in to cover your role.
Your responsibilities end at the door, and someone else will pick them up.
Or they won’t, but that’s not your problem anymore.
Of course, the truth is I’m truly freelancing as a dad anymore.
I guess the last year I’m more of a “micro agency”, whatever that is.
So I’m training the team and putting things in place as safeguard for when I dissapear.
But there’s only so much I can do.
I am the business, and people pay for access to me and my time.
Ultimately the buck stops with me.
I care about outcomes for my clients, the business is tied to my identity, so it’s impossible to just let things drop…
I plan to come back to this post after a year and update my thoughts before vs the reality…
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